M-Note 12.8.2021

by Matt Miofsky

December 8, 2021

Jesus is called the Prince of Peace, and one of the promises of Christmas is that he makes peace among people possible. That peace can look a lot of different ways – but at least one kind of peace Jesus encourages is between people. The holidays are a time of being together with family and friends, but let’s be real, sometimes more time with certain people is hard. Maybe they have hurt us, some are controlling, we might disagree with certain folks, or perhaps we just get annoyed by others. So, how do we listen to Jesus and practice peace with such people? Here are 4 ways to practice peace with others this Christmas:
 
1. Change Shoes
We have all heard the warning not to judge someone until you have walked in their shoes, and there is truth to it. We naturally see others through our own struggles, values, and journey. But, we forget that most of the time another person’s behavior is more about them than it is about us. They are acting out of their own struggles. Everybody is engaged in a battle that we cannot see, and that influences the way they show up. Maybe a coworker just found out that a parent has cancer, perhaps a family member is wrestling with depression that you weren’t aware of, or perhaps a friend is having serious difficulties with one of their kids. We don’t know the stories of others. So, before we get angry or annoyed, remember that the last year has likely been hard on them, as well and in ways you may not be able to see. The result is a greater capacity to show grace even to people that annoy us.
 
2. Pray Ahead
How often do you pray for people? How often do you pray for people you don’t like? Probably not often. But when we pray, God can begin to change the way we view another person. When we authentically desire someone else’s development and growth, it will naturally change how we view them. Praying for another can sometimes subtly lead to us rooting for them, pulling for them, and even wanting to assist them. As one person put it, “it is hard to dislike someone you pray for everyday”. Prayer has a way of softening our attitude, nuancing our view, and changing our perspective about another person.
 
3. Draw Boundaries
This may be the most important. Many of us think that somehow drawing boundaries is mean, too straightforward, or practically unrealistic. But, they aren’t. Boundaries allow us to stay connected to difficult people and help us to love them. I’ll admit, at first boundaries can be hard. But, the more you practice them, the easier they become. You cannot control another person’s behavior, but you do get to control your own including how long you are with them, what behaviors you are willing to tolerate, and what subjects you are open to engaging them about. We are called to love others but not to repeatedly allow their behavior to hurt us or others. Boundaries are one way that we establish and practice loving people that have difficulty seeing how their behaviors affect others. With boundaries in place, those get-togethers are not only possible, but even enjoyable.
 
4. Choose Forgiveness
 In some cases, turmoil between us and someone else has festered for a long time. When we don’t deal with conflict, it can metastasize, grow, and eventually erode a relationship. Dr. Enright, a professor who has devoted his career to forgiveness defines it as “being good to people who are not good to you”. Forgiveness is a choice we can make regardless of another’s remorse. Forgiveness does not mean we allow something hurtful to continue. But, forgiveness does mean that we no longer allow another to control our joy. Sometimes forgiveness can lead to reconciliation, but not always. But one thing is clear, if we don’t forgive, the residual anger we hold onto will eventually impact the people we love. Maybe this Christmas, it is time to make peace by seeking or offering forgiveness to another.
 
Practicing peace with others isn’t easy, but it is worth it. The alternative is too often cutting people off or no longer engaging with them. While sometimes this is necessary, most of the time, practicing peace can allow us to be in relationships with (and even enjoy!) people who are difficult.
 
Peace,

P.S. This weekend, we are continuing our series Good News. It was great to see so many of you in worship. Don’t forget that all our Christmas Eve service times are online, and there are several early services happening days before Christmas Eve for those of you that are traveling.