No Regrets - Week 2 Discussion Guide

Written by: Jenny Huffman & Sherrill WallPart 2 - Rethink It
Last week we started a new series called No Regrets: Moving Beyond Mistakes.  We began by acknowledging that we all make mistakes and that an important first step is to reckon with our responsibility.  The next essential element for moving beyond our mistakes is reflection and repentance.  


Welcome
This week we are challenged to consider the choices we made in our mistakes and whether by examination we might see the possibility of different choices.  Specifically, we are looking at Repentance.  Repentance is often an emotionally loaded word which carries a connotation of guilt and shame. But at the heart of the word “repent” is the action of turning in a new direction. Today we want to consider how rethinking our mistakes can lead us in a different direction.


Prayer
God, we thank you that you are a God of mercy.  You see us when we fail, but your delight is in our restoration.  You lead us to search our own hearts, that we may do justice and act with compassion.  We ask you to be with us today as a group as we discuss ways we can rethink our mistakes. We ask you for sensitivity and mercy for one another and for ourselves.  Amen.


Ice Breaker
What is your favorite fall beverage?  Coffee, tea, or something else? Hot or iced? Pumpkin spice or caramel?  Apple cider anyone?


Circle Back  
Did you take up the challenge to do some journaling about any troublesome past mistakes?  If so, how did you do?  What was helpful to you?  Which of the prompts did you use either in keeping a journal or in thinking about your mistakes?


Head
Our scripture today is a parable that Jesus told as he was conversing with the chief priests and elders of the temple when they were challenging his authority to teach as he did.  Jesus knows that the challenge is to his authority and not necessarily seeking the truth, so he evades the question by asking them about John the Baptist.  John had preached a message of repentance – of changing our ways in relationship to God and to one another.  So Jesus asks them what they think about the authority of John.  Of course they are stuck for an answer, because of their position – They don’t want to yield to John any of their own authority, but do not want to deny his message either, because of his popularity with the people.  So Jesus declines to answer any questions about his own authority and goes on to tell the story we want to look at today.  

Matthew 21:28-32  
What do you think? A man had two sons. Now he came to the first and said, “Son, go and work in the vineyard today.”  “No I don’t want to,” he replied. But later he changed his mind and went. The father said the same thing to the other son, who replied, “yes sir.”  But he didn’t go. Which of these two did his father’s will?  They said to him, “the first one.”  Jesus said to them, “I assure you that the tax collectors and prostitutes are entering God’s Kingdom ahead of you. For John came to you on the righteous road and you didn’t believe him. But the tax collectors and prostitutes believed him. Yet even after you saw this, you didn’t change your hearts and lives and you didn’t believe him.”
 

• How are the two brothers alike?  How are they different?
• What do you think the relationship between father and son looks like? Between the brothers themselves?
• In your own words, what two groups does Jesus refer to in the story?
• Does his audience accept this possibility?  Why or why not? 
• Could the two brothers represent opposing attitudes in one person? Explain your response.

Heart
Two brothers, different responses.

• Do you more readily identify with one brother or the other? Which one?
• What value is there in knowing our tendencies in response to demands made on us?  
• Why is it often difficult to consider other options for our responses?
• How can repentance of our mistakes and taking a different course affect relationships beyond the immediate situation?
• How can we encourage one another to reflect honestly on our mistakes in order to change directions? 

Hands
As we go about this next week, we are going to make mistakes – in a word said or left unsaid, in a task done or left undone, in an attitude or expression, it will happen.  Without becoming too focused on the negativity, try reviewing your day at least a couple of times this week at the end of the day. Think specifically of what choices you made that lacked a heart of justice and compassion. Evaluate the need for change and consider how you might move in a new direction.


Going Further
There are numerous examples in scripture of people who made dramatic changes in the way they related to others as a result of meeting Jesus.

•  Zaccheaus is one of the most familiar.  Read about him in Luke 19:1-9.  What change did he make?  How did it affect himself and others in his community?
• Saul of Tarsus had to recognize his mistakes in persecuting Christians in the new church (Acts 9). His repentance and change in direction lead him to be a significant leader in establishing the church and in writing much of our new testament.  Do you think such dramatic changes still happen in people?

Sometimes we reflect and repent of our mistakes, but we end up making the same mistakes over and over.  A pattern of response has become so ingrained we do not know how to start to make real change.  The Enneagram has been used by many to help them identify ways in which we relate to others.  It may be useful as a practical guide for reflection and change.
Here are a couple of places to start.

• The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Susan Stabile
• The Enneagram, A Christian Perspective  by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
• The Wisdom of the Enneagram  by Richard Riso and Russ Hudson