No Regrets - Week 3 Discussion Guide

CoreGroup Guide | No Regrets - Week Three
Guide written by: Jenny Huffman and Sherrill Wall

Welcome
This is the third week of our sermon series No Regrets: Moving Beyond Mistakes. In the first week we talked about Recognizing and naming our mistakes. In the second week we talked about Rethinking our mistakes and the concept of repentance. This week we move towards Repairing our mistakes. But what does this really look like in practice? Repairing our broken relationships and making amends for the harm we’ve caused is not nearly as simple as fixing a broken household item or taking a car to the shop. This is hard stuff! While we cannot always right our wrongs, we can at least try, with God’s help. Let’s begin in prayer. 

Opening Prayer
Good and Gracious God, thank you for gathering us here today. Thank you for these friends and conversation partners. Thank you for giving us the courage to recognize our mistakes and the wisdom to learn from them. Lord, we read in scripture, that YOU are the one who makes all things new. And so we ask you to start that process with us today. Help us to be vulnerable and open to your guidance as we reflect on the situations in our lives that could use some repair work. Give us humble hearts and willing spirits so that we may join you in this work of making all things new. It’s in your holy name we pray, Amen. 

Ice Breaker
This has been a pretty intense sermon series so far. Before moving on to this week’s topic, spend a few minutes checking in with each other – 

• How are you doing so far - emotionally, spiritually - with this sermon series?
• Has anything surprised you? Any “Ah-ha!” moments?
• Are there any topics from the first or second week you would like to circle back to?
• How can group members continue to show care and compassion for one another as we move into the second half of the series?

There is a lot below. Leaders, read ahead and decide which questions you’ll discuss.

The Head
The Sermon on the Mount is a collection of practical, moral teachings from Jesus found in the Gospel of Matthew. At the start of his public ministry in Galilee, crowds of people came from all over to hear Jesus teach and to be healed. At one point Jesus steps away from the crowds of people and goes up to a nearby mountain. His disciples join him and Jesus speaks to them about many different topics. Eventually this would become known as the Sermon on the Mount, which is where today’s scripture reading comes from. This is Matthew 5:23-26 – 

“So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.” [New Revised Standard Version]

• What does it mean to be “reconciled” to someone? 
• Is Reconciliation the same as Repairing? Restoring? Forgiving? Fixing? If so, how? If not, why? 
• Why does this process need to happen before offering our gifts at the altar?
• What does the word “accuser” mean in this context? 
• How exactly do we “come to terms” with this person?
• Why does Jesus seemingly include a sense of urgency in this teaching?
• Are scriptures like this still relevant, even though our context is so different today? Why? 

The concept of making amends comes up elsewhere in scripture as well, especially in the New Testament epistles, or letters, written to the early churches. Read these three passages out loud together as a group and then answer the following questions. 

2 Corinthians 5:17-18
“So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.”

Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-13
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

• What words jump out to you from these passages?
• What images come to mind as you read them out loud?
• What do these scriptures teach us about repairing mistakes and making amends? 
• Which passage is the most comforting to you? 
• Which is the most challenging?

The Heart

• Share an example of a time you made amends with someone – 
  • What were the circumstances and what led you to the decision?
  • What words or actions did you utilize to make amends with the person?
  • How did this experience impact your relationship with the other person, with yourself, and/or with God?
• Share an example of a time someone else made amends with you – 
  • What were the circumstances and how did you respond?
  • How did it feel when the other person took this step with you?
  • How did this experience impact your relationship with the other person, with yourself, and/or with God?
• What roadblocks have you experienced in your attempts to repair past mistakes?
• What happens if you cannot - for whatever reason - make amends for a past mistake? 

The Hands
In their book When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love, authors Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas suggest that one of the central necessities of making amends with someone is understanding what “love language” they speak and using that language to repair the mistakes you have made. They identify five love languages:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch

• Which of these languages is the most meaningful for you? Share an example. 
• Think about a past mistake or regret that weighs heavy on your heart and imagine the person or people involved in that situation. What is their main love language? 
• Is it the same or different from yours? How do you know?
• How might you use the idea of “apology languages” to start making amends with these people and restoring these broken relationships?

Going Deeper
Read the story of Jacob and Esau found in Genesis 25-33. Or, for a quick synopsis of the story, take a look at this Jacob and Esau Video created for children.

• What themes from today’s discussion do you see in the story of Jacob and Esau?
• What can we learn about ourselves, and God, through this story?